Loneliness to solitude: A journey to inner peace

               “Loneliness is the poverty of self,                                 Solitude is the richness of self.”

                                                               May Sarton

 Nearly six months ago I lost my one and only dream to live for. A dream that was the reason for me to survive each and every day, In spite of how hard it was to keep walking. A dream for which I have been fighting for the past 10 years. A dream that pushed me to do something extra everyday without tiredness. 

In the hope of getting there. I was blindly following what it took, but ultimately I couldn't make it, and I decided to end my beautiful journey, though it left me in pieces. 

But, it brings me what I fear the most… . Loneliness. It cut off me from my loved ones, I went into complete silence, intentionally avoided people and places to which I earlier used to love.

 And suddenly I found myself completely lonely, and without a dream it is all nothing. 

With this ….. one unexpected thing happened with me is that.. I find it difficult to see myself in the mirror. I couldn't spend a single minute with myself. I soon became reckless …as I got time with myself. I used to remain online… except, when my mind couldn't control sleep. And inner peace has become a luxury to me. 

This goes on for a month. In between…I used to read and watch videos on self discovery, how to regain control of myself? and how to find inner peace? Because, somewhere I knew that I can't lose myself. 

Slowly….I was learning to get over with my decade long struggle for my dream. Along with this I was also cursing myself, why can't I give up earlier, at least I couldn't have wasted my 20s and lived my life fully. I could have done what I love to, could have gone to the places where I was planning… but after achieving my dream. 

Now, I am left not only without my dream but also without my 20s.

But, now what… ? 

This question started holding my pieces together. I was very much aware of my lost decade. And I don't want to carry forward this burden for my whole life. I don't want to remain lonely for my whole life. I want to turn my loneliness into something beautiful. 

Now onward I want to live my life as per my own terms and conditions, without fearing losing to anything and anyone. 

I vowed to myself.. I will regain control over my life and I will find my inner peace. 

This situation turned out beautifully.. As I am here today and writing about my journey without any regret in life. 

But before that… let's dig deeper into my loneliness phase. 

When I was going through the worst. I was all alone. I have realized that .. Loneliness is a state of mind. I myself build walls around me. But, it cleared my mind to an extent. And I started to think about… 

Why do I suppose to need people or dreams around me? Why can't l live alone? I started questioning my belief.. 

Am I not enough for myself? 

Why does my existence depend on something…I achieved in life? 

These questions were not letting me sit in peace. I am constantly wondering about the answers. 

But, one thing that loneliness taught me is … gradually, I started to analyze my thoughts about myself and how it was affecting my self worth? 

Founding myself

I started to figure out what I love to do the most. I have realized that I lost myself in chasing one single dream. In the span of six months, I found that I love to read. I love to explore new places, I love to connect with nature and I love to explore my inner self. 

And I started writing to express myself. This not only decluttered my thoughts and my life, but also shifted my focus towards ..... moving forward and starting something fresh in life. 

This all happened, because I cut off external noises, validations, l left behind the feeling of a failure and now I no longer yearn for connections… and started exploring my inner world. 

This is the most precious gift loneliness offered to me. 

Start loving myself

When I was trying hard for my dreams, I read a line somewhere… “You focus on yourself when you lose everything, till then you keep ignoring yourself.”

Today I understand the meaning of it. I can totally relate with this. My journey of loving myself traces its origin here. 

Because, when I had nothing to do, when I was having a lot of spare time. When I was lonely. I started focusing on myself. I started to understand myself.

 I found out .... how wonderful I am? 

I started respecting myself for the hard work I have done, though its end was brutal. 

I started to take my struggle as a learning and my efforts as my strength to survive the worst. 

This is what loneliness taught me… to love myself. 

Do….what you love

We all like to live in a herd and follow the crowd. Being around a bunch of people gives us what we need the most, that is… . attention. 

We can't imagine our life by being ourselves. We need people to enjoy and dreams to be busy. 

But, we never thought about what we love to do the most? 

And this happened, because we barely focus on our authentic self. We do what others are doing. We do not emphasize “self awareness.” As we never remain alone… always surrounded by people and dreams to conquer. Rarely have time to take a pause and reflect on ourselves. We rarely reflect upon our dreams. 

In my case I was also chasing the endless dream to make society awe. To make myself proud. 

But, is this really what I want? 

My inner self refuses to recognize this. Because this wasn't what I wanted. This is not the way I wanted to live. This realization happened as I was alone with myself. So, it took a decade, but still worth it. 

From here, my journey to my passion started. Since then there is no way back. 

In between I never realized that my loneliness slowly turned into my solitude. 

15 things you must do to live a happier life

Be comfortable with yourself

My loneliness taught me this… sorry my solitude taught me this. As I started loving my own company. I started doing things that make me feel good. I started to look inward. And slowly I began to become comfortable with myself. 

Which earlier looked daunting to me. But, as I started to live like how I want. I feel content. I started to laugh more. 

This is the result of self satisfaction, which I got from my transformation. Solitude taught me to be comfortable with myself. 

Practice self compassion

Sometimes our failures turn us against ourselves. We become our biggest self critique. We talk bad about ourselves. We undermine our abilities and capabilities. We don't see ourselves as worthy of love and care. We became so rude to ourselves that we started to hate ourselves. 

I also did the same. Nothing new for a common human being. 

But, during my loneliness phase, I have realized that the situation is already worse. If I became an enemy of myself, how am I gonna survive? 

That's where “self compassion” comes into the picture. Life is already against me, I am not supposed to. I took my alone time productively and started focusing on the good things about myself. 

I started to tap my back whenever I felt lost. I started to behave well with myself, as I do with my friend in her worst times. And my peace within become my priority. 

I became a friend of mine without any judgements. 

This is how solitude looks to me. Being in my own company taught me to practice self compassion and live a happy and fulfilling life. 

Takeaways from my journey

Let me tell you this. My journey of loneliness to solitude is not quite as easy as it seems to be. There were countless nights without sleep, teary eyes all the time, inner battles for losing my dream, and there was immense hate for myself. 

But, all and all.. It had to end one day. I know that I got only one life and I can't waste it for an unaccomplished dream. 

Since then my journey of transformation started. And my loneliness turned into a beautiful journey of solitude. Which now I love to preserve the most. 

This is not my journey. We all go through a difficult phase in our life, where we lose everything and life turns against us. 

But, at that point of life.. Just remember you can't lose yourself. You are supposed to survive this phase to witness something spectacular in your life. 

For that start digging your inner self. Focus on self discovery and how you can find inner peace. 

Remember some dreams are meant to be broken but …we are not. 

Remember to remember…you have to live for yourself. 

Suffering to self discovery

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