When your dreams are crushed. When you have nothing to do. When you have no one to hang out with. When you have no one to share your grief.When you are broken completely. When everyone leaves you behind. When you lost everything. When you are lonely.
When are all by yourself… . . . Magic happens.
Don't get it?
Let me tell you when you have no one or when you have nothing then you have…..”you”. This is what “The art of being alone” , a book by Renuka Gavrani taught me.
Though I am not a vivid reader or nor have anyone in my circle who likes to be surrounded by books.
But yet here I am. I think life has something different to offer me regardless of my plans.
In the worst or I must say in the darkest times I became a good reader. Or I must say the circumstances in my life forced me to find “peace” in books.
Then I came across this wonderful masterpiece “ The art of being alone” by Renuka Gavrani.
And I must say one should go through this book at least once in their life, if they want to have a good relationship with themselves or they want to know themselves better.
It is just a masterpiece.
But… no worries if you are busy with your so called life. Here I am listing out the most important takeaways from this masterpiece.
1.Lonliness is about “you” only
Loneliness is not about having no one to your side, rather it is about “ not having yourself
to your side.” Loneliness is not about others,it is about you and only you.
Loneliness is going to occur when you do not have yourself by your side.
So, before using the word loneliness, understand its meaning first.
This is what I understand. Like most of you I also label loneliness as… having no one around me.
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2. Start to look inwardly
Start to look at yourself. Here I mean come face to face with your mind, face each and every thought of yourself about yourself.
What do you think?
How do you react?
What makes you happy? What makes you feel bad?
What makes you sad?
By doing this you will get to know yourself better. And this is the first step of your loneliness phase that is going to transform it into solitude.
3.Treat yourself as if you have no one around
You yourself are going to stay by your side, nobody else. People are seasonal, they come and go. They are going to pass like the wind. So, treat yourself excellently. Consider your mind as your other half. Take your mind to the path of compassion. Teach your mind to love you unconditionally. This is what the art of being alone taught me.
Remember to respect everyone, but expect from no one.
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4.Detox your brain
Learn to detox your brain. We all remember to detox our body, after stuffing. But what about our brains? It also has a limited capacity to process what we are feeding to it?
So, watch out what is going inside your brain. Because what is going inside… is ultimately going to come out. And this can be done by meditation, journalling or by any method you are comfortable with.
5.Be uncomfortable with yourself
Rather than becoming comfortable with the external world, try to be uncomfortable with your internal world. This is what is going to help you grow. This is how loneliness helps you to grow.
Take some alone time out every day from your busy schedule. Take some time out to “ think about nothing.”
6.Don’t accept what world offer you
Don't be what people want you to be. Don't dream what people want you to dream.
Don't see the world how the world wants to be seen by you.
Have your own conscience. Have your own judgments about anything. Follow your own path, even if you have to go alone or you are the first one.
7.Give personal touch to your life
Have your own definitions about your life and about anything outside. See things through your own lenses. Trust your own decision and choices. This book broadly focuses on giving personal touch to your life, your thoughts, don't be influenced by the opinions of others.
8.Be honest with yourself
Don't do dainting painting to your thoughts. Be authentic to yourself. Your life will be sorted like anything. You will be happy and content with yourself and with your life.
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9.Accept your uniqueness
Don't force yourself to follow what works for others. Do things in your own way. Make your work fun. Because only then you are not going to get bored.
Everyone has some special kind of uniqueness in themselves, it is what makes them special. Find your uniqueness and embrace it like your body part.
10.Start living your bucket list
We all have our unique or specific bucket list, but we wait to get old or to accumulate money or most importantly we wait for someone to accompany us to fulfill it. But the moment never arrived or took too long that we lost our excitement.
So, start doing what you wanted to do a long time ago or what you wish to do. Whether it is learning new skills, exploring new places or about doing what fears you the most.
Whatever it is… . Just do it. Nobody is going to come to accompany you.
11.Fill yourself with knowledge
Read books, listen to podcasts and expert views.Feed your mind with wisdom. And books are one of the best and most powerful ways to do it.
Make books your best friends, who never gonna leave you.
This is my personal experience. In the past six months I read more than 20 books from different genres. It is a wonderful feeling. Every time I take up a new book it feels like venturing into a new world.
12.Take action… don't wait
If you want to do something, then don't sit behind and spend months planning to take the first step. Just stand up and start now. The perfect moment is never going to come. You yourself had to make the moment perfect.
13.Fulfill your desires by yourself
Don't be dependent on anyone to fulfill your desires. Nobody is going to do it. They have their own desires to fulfill. Don't be dependent on anyone for your emotional support. You yourself have to tap yourself in tough times. You yourself have to fulfill your dreams.
Now it's your turn…
To embrace loneliness, to put your loneliness into solitude. Loneliness means you have no one around. Solitude means you have yourself around. You are not alone, “you have you.”
And when you love your own company, when you need no one to be with, when you enjoy all by yourself, when you love to go on a date with yourself, when you yearn to be alone… . Congratulations you have completed this book…” The art of being alone.”
This book beautifully explore the journey of loneliness to solitude. It show how your loneliness can be acts as a fuel to augment your growth. This book explain that your growth depends on how you take your loneliness... Whether you see as punishment or opportunity to grow.
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